are you ready for your introduction for HYSTERIA MAGICK?

When I first started my journey into witchcraft it was via a friend in the doula world that gave me my first medicinal herbs and astrology and tarot readings. They encouraged me to connect to my ancestors and their lessons of mindfulness, manifestation, and self-determination. After a few years of self-study I began getting lessons on the tarot and astrology and learned of the Golden Dawn and immediately became enthralled with the idea of initiation. I went to this friend and told them I wanted to become a magician in the golden dawn and they laughed, the way only a Capricorn Sun can, and said, “wouldn’t a real witch create her own school of magick?” and immediately my body felt an incredibly heavy lightness and I felt my path open up at that beautiful, snarky comment. The path was MINE and not anyone else’s to follow.

I dove into self-study the way only a Virgo 9/10th house stellium could. I found mentors with lists and lists of books and exercises to explore. I called myself a “part-time witch” because I wasn’t ready to admit this path is what my soul had been yearning for since my first spiritual lessons in pre-k catholic school.

I was raised by the Catholic by my Filipino/Irish/Mexican family but it wasn’t really a part of my home life until we went off to Catholic School, which I attended from pre-k through senior year at an all-girls Catholic college prep school that literally almost took my life. I was immediately taken by the community and relief that faith brought around me. Church, choir, altar serving! the pomp and circumstance of it all and wanted to believe what was being told of me but nothing felt right in my gut.

Jesus was cool, but his dad seemed like a dick. And my childhood wish to be an artist meant I was looking at the world so closely to be able to translate it into beauty and I just couldn’t see what they were teaching me. I just didn’t have faith in an omnipotent god. a creator god that got it all “right” in a week and demanded retribution when you seek out more knowledge.

I threw myself into it even more, I wanted to find faith the way the priests and nuns had been telling me about. But around the time I came out as bisexual in high school (before gay marriage was legal) the love for everyone that I had seen at church turned into cliques, judgment, and hate. I began to notice my race, my gender, my position and my radical thinking that everyone deserved compassion no matter what they felt or had faith in. I found myself questioning everything and diving deeper and deeper into theology to prove these charlatans wrong and the deeper I went into my studies the less and less I believed or had faith the way I was taught.

what is faith as I learned it? The idea that you can believe in your bones that something is true without needing evidence or to see the hand that moved it to that, that’s what I was taught faith is.

I left studying the bible around the same time I started drinking like I didn’t believe in it. 21, just dropped out of art school, working in fashion, hating everything I felt because I didn’t believe in a god anymore.

Nihilism took me. Risks became consequences. Consequences became scars. Scars began to cry out for healing.

I left fashion. Found myself working at an all-natural parenting store on the corner of my block in Brooklyn because my management background impressed the small business and through that world I found herbal medicine, alternative healing, and what I would call witchcraft.

After crying to a colleague that I wish I had had faith in anything at all, I sat at my table of crystals and tarot cards and I realized I had faith now. But it was in myself. Maybe this was witchcraft? Maybe this was the left hand path? Maybe this was my initiation into the path my friend had told me to set. It was time to embrace what this was giving me and when I did the world around me opened up to the world of witches. I met Tansy Stowell. A friend through my roommate, she was studying to be a witch academically. We would chitchat about it here and there and eventually she told me to really follow my path as a witch.

Eventually, after a myriad risk/consequence/scar cycles I found myself lonely in LA with my first ever tarot party gig for a friend of a friend. I did 20 readings in a night. I was charming, accurate, made them cry, made them laugh, got their tips, got their follows and I knew. I knew in that moment HUGE WITCH was the path to make the change I saw needed to happen.

so yadda yadda yadda, it’s the pandemic. I’m committed to witchcraft as a full time job. it’s going great. I am healing so many scars with and without western intervention. Eventually I get misdiagnosed as ADHD when I should have been diagnosed Bipolar. I was put on meds for concentration and ended up psychotic, doing magick and making art and performing readings with the most enthusiasm I had ever had. Eventually it cracked open and I was in the hospital, with the bipolar diagnosis I should have received a month earlier. And in spite of that everything I did at my altar came back to me ten-fold. Because my path was my own, I had to lose reality to find my way. to find the absurdity of “reality” as we know it. I found my magick there. I had elevated from “just a witch” to a powerful magician. And eventually, in my recovery from the traumatic episode, I discovered the name of the magick I was meant to found: HYSTERIA MAGICK.

The implication of a downward spiral means that there’s an upward one as well. As below, so above. as without, so within.

that is hysteria magick.

so for the exercise of this message, I wanna establish the temple within for a minute.

Where are you at with your visualization? This is a visualization spell for grounding and opening your magick circle.

and you are now in your temple ready to do magick.

when we’re done, the simplest way to enter back into the “real” world is to go back to the mind’s altar, and observe your emotions once more. how have they changed?

thank all the energy and tools you used and close the temple once more. leaving it safe for the next time we enter.

thank you, for letting me get this off my chest. I’ve wanted to start blogging for years and this attempt will be the one that sticks because of how honest you let me be.

good luck.

abrakadabra